For the past few days, I’ve been listening to the song PERFECT by Pink. I especially love the rendition of YouTube sensations Cathy Nguyen and Jason Chen. I’ve been trying to write a blog about a previous event I’ve been to, but I keep getting distracted listening and singing (on my own) to this song! Before anything else, let me share the video of the song…

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Made a wrong turn, once or twice… dug my way out blood and fire.

No one’s really perfect, we all made some mistakes in the past that we regret. Most of us learn to move on and see pass this. Most of us, learn to accept these and take them as lessons in life. Several others however, continue living in regret and in fear. Personally, I’ve done SOOOO MANY MISTAKES. All which were difficult to overcome, all of which made me feel useless and all of which made me want to give up.

Bad decisions, that’s alright… welcome to my silly life.

Of course I’ve made several BAD decisions, who hasn’t. These bad decisions got me into deep waters and they’re the ones who caused me to make all those terrible mistakes. One big mistake being my laziness to go to school. Who would’ve thought? A teacher like myself actually flunked high school… TWICE. Having the guts to admit it now is me proving my acceptance of it.  But besides that already bad predicament, I made even MORE mistakes which I felt bad about… but I’m not ready to talk about still. Let’s just say friends came and go and I had difficulty accepting it. One friend even told me that I had to change who I was because at that time, I was the only one in our group without a boyfriend. Boy am I glad I didn’t listen to her, and at the young age of 14 I was able to answer back and tell her that I didn’t need to change for someone to love me… because I like the way I am, and someone will love me for that as well.

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood….Miss “no way, it’s all good”, It didn’t slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing, under estimated, Look, I’m still around

Because of all the mistakes I’ve done in the past, people have looked down on me. I can’t blame them though, ‘coz I looked down on myself as well. I pitied myself for how affected I was by what was going on, and I pitied myself for being the main source of this downfall. I felt useless, I felt stupid, I felt like a burden to the family who loves me. Though I know it didn’t matter to my friends and batch mates, I felt as if everyone was talking about me. Everything I did during those times felt wrong, every mistake I made was multiplied by 10, and nothing I did was right. Though no one really said it, I felt as if they saw me as irresponsible, unreliable and all that. But hey… I’m still here now aren’t I? ..and I’m doing good.

Pretty, pretty please don’t you ever, ever feel like your less than… less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please if you ever, ever feel like your nothing you are perfect to me.

It was during the lowest moment of my childhood life that I met Philippe. He was a friend who I met at the exact moment God meant for us to meet. He was 2 batches higher than me and 3 years older. He looked pass all my mistakes, and accepted me for simply being me. He became a very good friend whom I took for granted but slowly learned to love me and grew to be the love of my life.  But even without someone special in your life, we all have to remember that in His eyes, we are perfect. And somewhere out there, someone will find us and love us for being exactly the way we are.

You’re so mean when you talk about yourself, You are wrong. Change the voices in your head Make them like you Instead.

“You can’t expect anyone to love you if you can’t love yourself!” I remember my dad scolding my brother and telling him these exact words. I forgot what was the reason, and though the words weren’t directed toward me… it stuck with me. And I’m sharing it with all of you too! We always complain about people walking away from us, we complain about friends abandoning us. I personally was an over emotional girl who often complained about being alone and left behind. This happens to most of us, but it doesn’t last forever unless we let it. The key is acceptance. We need to accept people, we need to accept situations, but most of all, we need to accept ourselves. I was over emotional because I felt no one would ever stay in my life long enough and so the slightest sign of being left or replaced, I got emotional and over dramatic… and the result.. people got annoyed. Hey, I don’t blame them. I got annoyed with myself after I realized what I was doing! Which is why I was thankful for the friends who stood by me and understood what I was going through.. friends who eventually made me realize my worth.

So complicated look how big you’ll make it. Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game.

Life is complicated because we allow it to get that way. There are always two ways to look at every situation, and we should choose to look at the brighter road. Learn from our mistakes instead of regretting what’s already been done. I’ve made many mistakes, several of which are still affecting the way I am today and the way I relate to people… I used to regret them but not anymore. Though it was a tough time in my life, ALL these mistakes helped me become a stronger person and helped me get to where I am today. Mistakes and bad choices don’t destroy you, they build you up. Only YOU can change your destiny.

I may have flunked high school twice. I may have had friends come and go. I may have done several things I can’t take back…and I HATED myself. I HATED myself so much that I even punched myself on the face several times or tried cutting my wrist because I wanted to give up.

The moment I stepped into college, I promised to turn my life around. I kept my promise. I worked hard and studied hard. I ended up being in the Dean’s List all throughout college, graduated with an honorable mention and won the best thesis award! My mistakes in the past… they’re ALL still there… and I’m glad I made them. ‘Coz if not, I wouldn’t turn out to be who I am today. Sometimes we all need to fall down to learn how to get back up. You have to fall down a few times before you learn to run.

It’s enough, I’ve done all I can think of. Chased down all my demons, I’ve seen you do the same.

Here I am talking and talking, but that’s all I can to help people who are stuck in the same rut I used to be in. Now it’s YOUR choice. Do something about it.

The whole world stares so I swallow the fear, the only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try, but we try too hard, it’s a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair. We change ourselves and we do it all the time.

Why do we do it? Why do I do that? Why do I do that?

My teacher in elementary once told me, “You can’t please everyone.” She’s right, but we all still want to please everyone. We don’t admit it but when we hear a single negative comment against us, we automatically go into attack mode. I won’t deny it, but I ‘m still that way sometimes. I acknowledge my behavior and I’m still on the stage of working on it… but I’m honestly still stuck in my overly dramatic phase.

Mistakes in the past, though I’ve come to accept them… still made a huge impact on my life. And the dominant behavior it caused me is FEAR. I fear being wrong, I fear being left behind, I fear being alone, I fear being criticized. I fear who I may become and I fear who I may NOT become because of the FEAR! This post is probably one of the few steps I’ve taken in hopes of alleviating that fear and helping others overcome it as well. For now, I’m living by this thought, “it’s better to regret something you did than regret something you didn’t”

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So here I am today, teaching a bunch of preschoolers and loving them to bits! Teaching them their ABC’s but also instilling values which they will soon appreciate as they grow older. Here I am running short and long distances even if I never thought I could… and here I am WRITING… BLOGGING… and hoping that my tutorials, stories and posts have helped a person or two in one way or another. I chose to turn my life around and chose to see the light, what about you? :)

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